On the many eves ahead of my 40th birthday, I can
feel myself turning the inevitable corner.
Turning the corner on a new decade, which surely makes one take
inventory of their life and question their purpose. I cannot help but feel an overwhelming sense
that it is “time”.
It is time…..
It is time to always keep the house clean in case of company.
It is time to stop being whimsical.
Time to be decisive.
Time to pick a political party and stop affiliating with
“Independent”.
Time to always be prepared with that extra pair of socks,
the umbrella, dental floss, six months of savings in case of that likely day
that I will need it.
Time to stop feeling guilty about not shaving my legs, about
getting carry-out instead of preparing dinner for my family; about buying
instead of baking and just being guilty in general.
Time to own an iron instead of teaching my son that the “tug
method” or the wrinkle-release cycle on the dryer is an acceptable practice.
It is time to separate the men from the boys.
Time to be more honest in the bedroom.
Time to admit I may never actually want to get married,
rather just have “friends” for a while…
Time to make regular visits to the gym, the doctor, the
hairdresser, the grocery store, the auto shop,
and so many others that over the
years I have somehow managed to avoid visiting regularly, perhaps in denial,
telling myself they are a necessary thing for everyone else…..
Time to cut my hair?
Time to honor my credit cards.
Time to opt for a more sophisticated Stella Artois in lieu
of my usual standby Miller Lite.
Time to pick a solid, distinguished hobby like gardening or
tennis or crossword puzzles, and become a regular volunteer in something
noteworthy…
Time to prepare for “the Change”.
Time to grow up.
Time to trust myself and to trust others.
I believe, have even witnessed, women in their forties, are in
the most beautiful time in their life- they are established in their routine of
life, they have an air of contentment.
They recognize they will not become the company CEO, and nor do they
need to. Their children are nearing or
have entered college and things are off in their intended (whether by design or
not) direction. They have fewer of the
“unknowns” regarding their lives and their retirement, what lies ahead. They are beautifully settled in the life they
have created for themselves. How this
feeling must bring out the beauty and the glow on their face. I’d like to think I will experience that
glow.
What I know--- I am happy.
I am honestly very happy. I have
a son that sets the gold-standard for what I would expect in a young man, son,
grandson, student, a friend. I have a
successful career doing something I love.
I have family that I love with all my heart, who love and support me. I have extraordinary friends who I know I can
count on and for whom I would lay across the tracks. And I have a very quality social life. I feel in control of my life. All of this I know.
Perhaps they call this maturity. Despite this so-called maturity, the questions
I will consider as I turn the corner into the 40th decade of my life
are- “What does this new decade mean for me? What will I do with it? What is my purpose and what is it truly the
“time” for?”
As I set out to figure all of this out, I am reminded of this
quote:
“The purpose of life is to
contribute in some way to making things better.”
I guess for now, I will start there….
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