It is Time....

On the many eves ahead of my 40^th birthday, I can feel myself turning the inevitable corner.  Turning the corner on a new decade, which surely makes one take inventory of their life and question their purpose.  I cannot help but feel an overwhelming sense that it is “time”.

It is time…..

It is time to always keep the house clean in case of company.

It is time to stop being whimsical.

Time to be decisive.

Time to pick a political party and stop affiliating with “Independent”.

Time to always be prepared with that extra pair of socks, the umbrella, dental floss, six months of savings in case of that likely day that I will need it.

Time to stop feeling guilty about not shaving my legs, about getting carry-out instead of preparing dinner for my family; about buying instead of baking and just being guilty in general.

Time to own an iron instead of teaching my son that the “tug method” or the wrinkle-release cycle on the dryer is an acceptable practice.

It is time to separate the men from the boys.

Time to be more honest in the bedroom.

Time to admit I may never actually want to get married, rather just have “friends” for a while…

Time to make regular visits to the gym, the doctor, the hairdresser, the grocery store, the auto shop, 

and so many others that over the years I have somehow managed to avoid visiting regularly, perhaps in denial, telling myself they are a necessary thing for everyone else…..

Time to cut my hair?

Time to honor my credit cards.

Time to opt for a more sophisticated Stella Artois in lieu of my usual standby Miller Lite.

Time to pick a solid, distinguished hobby like gardening or tennis or crossword puzzles, and become a regular volunteer in something noteworthy…

Time to prepare for “the Change”.

Time to grow up.

Time to trust myself and to trust others.

I believe, have even witnessed, women in their forties, are in the most beautiful time in their life- they are established in their routine of life, they have an air of contentment.  They recognize they will not become the company CEO, and nor do they need to.  Their children are nearing or have entered college and things are off in their intended (whether by design or not) direction.  They have fewer of the “unknowns” regarding their lives and their retirement, what lies ahead.  They are beautifully settled in the life they have created for themselves.  How this feeling must bring out the beauty and the glow on their face.  I’d like to think I will experience that glow. 

What I know--- I am happy.  I am honestly very happy.  I have a son that sets the gold-standard for what I would expect in a young man, son, grandson, student, a friend.  I have a successful career doing something I love.  I have family that I love with all my heart, who love and support me.  I have extraordinary friends who I know I can count on and for whom I would lay across the tracks.  And I have a very quality social life.  I feel in control of my life.  All of this I know.

Perhaps they call this maturity.  Despite this so-called maturity, the questions I will consider as I turn the corner into the 40^th decade of my life are- “What does this new decade mean for me? What will I do with it?  What is my purpose and what is it truly the “time” for?” 

As I set out to figure all of this out, I am reminded of this quote:

“The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better.” 

― Robert F. Kennedy

I guess for now, I will start there….

SIGH.... Dating Delirium

I am compelled to call this one “SIGH….”  As this is the reaction I have when I think about the mountainous climb I am experiencing as I attempt to re-enter the dating world, and moreover…the climb through the world of online dating.

Online dating is a modern day means of torture that perpetuates a great deal of angst.  I realize this a loaded statement.  This “grande social experiment” is intended to bring happiness and love.  Yet I have heard countless stories from those that have experienced only the angst version, and having decided to try again after 7 years, I am frankly just as horrified.

The first ascent on the mountainous climb of online dating is sifting through all the suitors.  Blech....  Are they tall or short, big or small, clever, boring, smart, funny, attractive?  And the hours we could spend dissecting screen names.

TIP:  Ladies- when his screen name is “CreativeDom”,  this does not mean his name is Dominic; rather DomiNANT…as in BDSM.  SIGH….  Fellas- if your screen name is "smokesnicebud" or "thebigonexxx"....rest assured you will get what you ask for.  SIGH....  

How about the guy who insisted during our first exchange that the “overuse of emoticons and abbreviated text is a sign of unprofessionalism and an indication of one’s intelligence.”  After sending him a reply with several LOLs and smiley faces :) :) :), indicating his obvious lack of a sense of humor, he informed me that “we have a personality conflict”.  Who can win at this?  SIGH....

The second feat in the ascent up this treacherous mountain is connecting.  Oh boy! THIS can be a real gem of a time.  Once you find someone you actually have an interest in connecting with, a whole new set of concerns arises..... Should I make the first move to connect?  How do I say "Hi?" Will they be interesting?  Will I be interesting?  Are they just looking for sex?  And you can't even imagine the text exchange when the grammar is a mess....

Finally the dreaded date- who looks forward to this?  Will I find him attractive?  Will he find me attractive? Will we have anything to talk about?  Will we have that "spark"?  What even IS a "spark"? Not to mention- Who will pay? How much should I drink?  I hope he doesn't try to kiss me because I'm not a kiss on the first date kinda girl..... SIGH....  (are you as exhausted as me already?)

Indeed there have been many success stories.  Couples have even married from meeting online.  I too have fared well in this “grande social experiment” in the past.  I was fortunate to find a relationship through a particular online site, that lasted 2 years; but after giving it a go for just a short time once again- all I am left with is-  SIGH....

Of course it is surely fair to suggest that online dating cannot be the only way to find a mate anymore.  I know there are many other ways to meet someone.  The grocery story.  Local clubs and activities.  Maybe I will join the local gathering of underwater basket weavers.  SIGH....

Those that are married or in a committed relationship don't always understand.  They think being single is liberating.  Some have told me, “I envy your independence.”  “How great it must be to be able to make all of the decisions without consulting someone else.”  “INSERT MORE HERE.”  Rest assured the grass is not always greener…single parents, and single people in general, DO make their own decisions, but they don’t always have someone to bounce them off of or to weigh the pros and cons.  Should I make this investment?  Should I parent this way? Which bill should I put off until next month?  Should I paint the walls cadet grey?  But, there certainly ARE perks- having the bed to myself is at the top of the list!

Maybe some of us just need to imagine that this is not the season in our lives for love.  How long of a season, there’s no telling.  Are we too picky when it comes to finding a partner?  Is the reason we are single due to a fear of being entirely vulnerable to someone else?  Is it in protest to sharing finances and ultimately our bed with another person?  Perhaps.  

Knowing myself, I am certain these adventures in dating will not go on forever.  And in the aftermath of this dating apocalypse, if I am left still standing, alone, I will have my dignity knowing that my season may still someday change and at least I didn't succumb to the riveting temptations of "CreativeDOM".  SIGH.... :)

First Day as a Blogger!

So, here I am!  I finally did it!  I am a "blogger".  Now if only I can stay interesting enough....

I started this blog as a platform on which to share the humor and tribulations of being a mom, particularly a single mom.  For those of us wearing this hat, life can be challenging.  But at the end of the day, we have to keep a sense of humor and identify a place to laugh, protest and find comfort.  Yet, beyond all of that- "beyond being a mom"- we must celebrate who we still are as women, as individuals.

For my first entry, consider this- "A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." ~Tenneva Jordan.  Find a way to remember your piece of the pie too ladies....

Talk soon!